I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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