and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
