So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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