I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
