No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
