dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
