if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
