I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
