the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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