you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i think my cat just said my name.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
