Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
