perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
