A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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