if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
