Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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