So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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