Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
