i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
