omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
