I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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