I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
