Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
