I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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