he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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