I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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