Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
