turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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