Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
