I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
