Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize