He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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