my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
