So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize