Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
