just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
