Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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