sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
