my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.