i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
