some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.