Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
only you would photoshop your dick
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.