***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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