fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Everyone says I win the strip club
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.