Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
