i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
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I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?