what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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