saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm passing your future prison.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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