trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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