I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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