I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
