I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My life is pants optional.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
