You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
