well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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