Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hippo gnu deer
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oh god it's open bar.
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