No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
