Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
