I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize