I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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