Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
