did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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