I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
