I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize