All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
