just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
