DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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