I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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