you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
