How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
