im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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