I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
