I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
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It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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