I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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