so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
