WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
