TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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